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Don’t allow someone to keep pulling the same con on you numerous times because there’s ‘hopeful’ and then there’s relationship crack.
It’s also important not to just focus on the fact that they keep coming back – they keep bullshitting their way in and leaving too.
If they turn around and say that they want to keep it casual when you’re actually looking to move forward into a serious relationship, I wouldn’t go into it because I can guarantee that it will end in big dollopy tears that belong to you.
If you’re saying “Let’s move in” and they’re saying that they do want to move in (with you) but not just yet, then you can potentially find a compromise.
Whether they’re coasting in a relationship on their terms or they keep popping back in your life, both of these things tell you that you need to decide what you need and want and act upon them instead of waiting for them to ‘do the right thing’ when from their perspective, they’re happy because things are on their terms.
They’re just not that special that you should manage your expectations into crumbs for the ‘benefit’ of having them in your life. Baggage Reclaim is a guide to learning to live and love with self-esteem by breaking the patterns that stand in your way.
Also, what is the minimum capillary diameter through which blood could be sucked?
You may have a Return On Investment mentality of “I’ve put in X months/years so I cannot exit now because it would be a waste” neglecting to realise that if you ignore what the difference is telling you, you might be like a reader I recently spoke with who clocked up 12 years with someone whose position never changed and she’d known it from a few years in.
They can have a dog in a manger attitude – they don’t want you but they’re hogging up the proverbial manger and blocking access to you just in case they happen to change their mind.
I also know from personal experience how easy it is to be blinded by our feelings / libido / ego, but, you are giving off mixed messages.
What can be incredibly perplexing and even painful though, is when they stick around (and you let them) but they still won’t cough up the relationship goods, or they go but they keep boomeranging in and out of your life, raising your hopes each time.
This situation will be all too familiar to you if you’ve thought stuff like, What the hell do they want with me?
Remember that they can’t stay or keep returning if you’re no longer there. Whether it’s figuring out what’s going on in a troubling relationship, understanding you and self-care, or being more assertive, I’m here to help you guide you.